Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My Lack Of Blogging...

 It has been awhile since I have updated my blog, and a lot has happened. We had a wonderful Christmas (I still need to post pictures) and also a not-so-fun event happened.

I had a miscarriage. Those words are still so strange for me to say, type or think. 

Saturday we were taking a leisurely drive to Peru (Indiana) to visit my husbands favorite fast food restaurant, Taco Johns. 

Not as good as in Minnesota!

Well, I had to use the gas station restroom. When I was in there I saw some blood. It wasn't much so I didn't think anything of it. We drove home and when we got home I had a bit more, but still not much. This continued on throughout the night so I called the on-call doctor. She told me to come in Monday unless it had gotten worse. 

It hadn't, so I waited to go in. 

Monday morning I just felt different. I felt like something was wrong. I still didn't have cramps, but my body is usually so normal that bleeding to me meant something was wrong. I was right. There was something wrong. I could tell instantly from the ultrasound technicians face. She was trying to think of how to tell us that our baby was not going to make it. 

I knew, even looking at the pictures on the T.V. that something was wrong. I was supposed to be ten weeks, and the baby looked much smaller than that. It turned out that our baby stopped growing at six weeks, and never had a heartbeat. It is what is considered a chemical pregnancy. 

Getting this news was heartbreaking, and still is but in that moment I looked to my left and Fletcher was sitting on my husbands lap. He gave me the biggest smile and in that moment everything was going to be okay. 

I have a healthy baby who I love very much. I have a wonderful husband and we have a great life. 

We will have another baby when the time is right and Fletcher will be an amazing big brother. 

Milky smiles and all. 

We are going to be okay. :)